your parents love me but you hate me
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
