WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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