Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you didnt know i had herpes?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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