Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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