God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
