Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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