i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
