just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
