My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there was a trapeze. enough said
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
