P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
