I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
