You made me cry and you don't even care
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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