so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
