I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
