So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
