don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
