Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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