I feel great
I just peed on a car
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
