just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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