She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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