I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
