Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
