It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
