you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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