What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
