you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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