Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
