really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
