just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
