Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
