You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
