I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
