i will never coherently bang her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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