omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
