its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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