The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
