listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
