I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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