Me too!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
