hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
