OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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