tell your sister to shave her snatch
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
