Where are you?
In a non slutty way
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Semen is not good for contacts.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
