Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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