did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
