thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
