sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
