we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
