I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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