Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
