I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
